I don't want to be that person anymore. What does that tell anyone? It tells them that they can treat me however they please and get away with it. I'll always be there. Forget that! So I want to be the person that can just as easily forgive, but still hold my own. Still be able to stand up for myself and dump a friendship that needs to leave my life. Can someone be both of those things?
It brings me to a book I read called Left to Tell. It's a memoir written by Immaculee Ilibagiza, of her experience through the Rwandan holocaust. She tells what she went through, and how she got through it only with the help of God. Her losses are so much that I couldn't imagine being in her shoes. Nearing the end of the book, she gets the opportunity to see a person that inflicted a great deal of this harm, and she simply forgives him. And she meant it. She knew that she couldn't have true happiness and peace without forgiving this man. She asked God for help, she prayed constantly about it. In the end, she knew that she had to do it. She erased the bad thoughts from her mind, and she just.. forgave him. I find that truly incredible.
So is it possible to forgive someone, but tell them you no longer want to be their friend? Or does that defeat the purpose of forgiving in the first place? Or is it simply a matter of 'enough is enough'. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.. but what usually happens with me, is people abuse those chances. I've had the same friend start rumors, gossip, lie and abuse me, yet I always forgave her.
I haven't once told someone that I couldn't be their friend anymore. I don't think it's because I'm just too good a person though. I think it's because I'm just too weak, and the thought of hurting someones feelings bothers me. I'm going to try something new though, and consider my own feelings. I don't deserve to be called names, and in many ways other than that, be insulted. I can't do drama. And I can't do this anymore.
Forgive? Yeah. Forget? Sure. Friends? Nah.