Dear body, sorry I don't pay enough attention to you. I'm sorry for abusing you by continuously falling down (and up) stairs. I don't mean to be so clumsy, but I can't help it. I'm just not very good at controlling what my feet do. I'm sorry for piercing you so many times, but give me credit for not getting a tattoo. You haven't failed me, even though I don't take enough care of you. I'm sorry for not getting to the gym enough and not having great posture. Is it enough that I at least try to sit up straight? What really matters is that you're still with me even after all I've put you through.
Dear hair. I love you. You're blonde, long, shiny and fairly thick. I hardly ever have to brush you because the tangles just fall right out. You can't hold a curl, but that's ok. Curls don't look so great on you anyway.
Dear eyes. You're kind of plain, but you complete my "Blonde hair, blue eyed" status. So thanks.
Nose, can you shrink a little bit please?
Face, overall you're pretty nice. Everything is fairly proportionate (save the nose), so way to go. Now about that pimple....
Arms, you're muscular, but not freaky looking (coughmadonna.) I'm sorry for neglecting to continue strengthening you lately. I promise to get back on that.
Hands. You're not manly and you're soft. I'm sorry I can't paint your nails, and I'm very sorry that I keep cutting your pretty little fingers. I can safely blame this on work.
Stomach. You really come in handy and everything, but why can't you just be flat? I know that it's my fault for eating so much, but isn't there some magic you can work? Please. No? Fine, I promise I'll cut down on the Twinkies and visit the gym more often.
Hips. I definitely get you from mom. I appreciate that you will lessen the pain of future childbirth.. but sometimes I'd rather take the pain and have smaller hips. You're still pretty neat though.
Butt. I love you.
Legs. You're pretty long for my height. Thank you for having definition, not being too thin, but not too fat. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you, lefty. Maybe one of these days I'll get your knee problem checked out.
Feet. I guess you're ok. Thank you for being there and getting me where I need to go. You haven't failed me yet, even after all I've put you through. I'm sorry for the uncomfortable new shoes, and for walking barefoot outside so much. You've been stung by a bee, bit by fire ants and stuck with pokers. Thank you for your cooperation.